John Travolta To The Rescue

When in comes to using an earthquake for one's advantage, no one can beat the Scientologists:

With an operation called The Volunteer Ministry Disaster Relief for Haiti, the Scientologists plan to establish a permanent base in the country. Pat Harney, a spokeswoman for the operation, said: "I have no doubt that in some form or other there will be a church of Scientology here." Scientologists were already working to found an orphanage, she added.

An advance party arrived nearly two weeks ago but the big moment occurred when actor John Travolta flew his Boeing 707 from Florida to Port-au-Prince carrying six tonnes of military rations, medical equipment, baby food and nappies as well as doctors and volunteer ministers. "We have the ability to make a difference in Haiti," he said.

Along with bringing the former star of Saturday Night Fever, the Scientologists also brought their own pseudo-scientific healing method to Haiti. Somehow, they are allowed to perform it in the island's hospitals and clinics:

The method, known as "assist", might involve touching parts of the body or asking a patient to stare at a wall. "It's a special Scientology technique developed by Mr Hubbard," said Ms Harney, referring to the science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, who founded the church in 1954.

Reports suggest many injured Haitians have been grateful but bemused. Other agencies in the capital were less enthusiastic. "I didn't know touching could cure gangrene," a spokeswoman for Oxfam said. Others wondered how Travolta obtained landing permission when many aid flights were diverted.

There's no denying that the Scientologists have helped by providing supplies, it's only too bad that they will eventually want something in return.